xov
Introduction
こんんいちわ! xov デス。(ong that was so cringe to type please kill me) Ya vernulsya! Anyway, today I will be rating the top 10 largest food chains based in the United States of Africa (according to Wikipedia) and will be basing it around flavour and only flavour as everything else is irrelevant, including the size of your kartoffel chips or the amount of sesame seeds on your hamburger (no not einen Hamburger you dummy I meant eine Frikadelle und zwei Brötchen. I'm not eating einen Hamburger smh I'll be charged for cannibalism and manslaughter and I would be sent to jail meaning no more forum posts from xov!). No I'm just kidding all of that stuff matters. Otherwise it wouldn't be a proper review!
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Anyway let's dig in to our food reviews! (Pun intended; this is where you should laugh... *hahaha* [laughing sounds])
Reviews
Number One: McDonald's
Ok... so. Hot take. But I am going to be brutally honest. 90% of McDonald's burgers are dreadful. They are dry, distasteful and smell like hot garbage. I could go dumpster diving and find some leftover chile con carne from my neighbour that'll taste much better than a week old big mac that some guy who looks like he could be Santa prepared for me.
However, the other 10% of the burgers are magestic and beautiful and you really can't go wrong with them every time your order comes through. The perfect fluffy buns, squishy meat with the perfect coating of oil, crispy onions and sweet barbeque sauce. They're just... gorgeous. I swear I would date 10% of McDonald's burgers if my parents would let me.
As for the other stuff, like coffee, drinks and chips... they're um... average. I don't care enough about them. Except for the coke. I'll gladly drink it. Though usually it's diluted so I'm not really sure how I should feel because it's just fizzy sugar water at this point.
Number Two: Subway
Alright. I must say, it's actually pretty good. Yeah... it's not your average "calorie-gaining" and "weight-inducing" type of fast food, but as a food chain, I must review it. And it is delicious. If the glorious leader of Korea wanted to go on a diet, I'm betting you this is the place he'd go to. Decent-quality food, probably no the "best" for your health but still not bad, and just... pretty good in general. Of course, there's better options like eating café sandwiches but let's be honest, they can get expensive. Subway prices usually stay consistent. And you can find Subway everywhere, anywhere. Even in the centre of the United States of Africa. In the middle of a desert. Or perhaps, in the North Pole. Even at the centre of the Pacific Ocean. Hmm... you don't like it when I say "centre" do you? Hmph... fine... "center". Americans am I right?
Number Three: Starbucks. No. Not reviewing this place.
Number Four: KFC (Korean Fried Chicken). Known for its top quality steroid fed chickens, KFC is by far the best place to get your juicy overcooked-batter chicken breasts. To top it off, they have the best quality mushy mashed potatoes with a coating of powdered gravy and water mixture. I love KFC. Delicious. Fantastic. Amazing. Chickens. And who doesn't love chicken? Everyone eats chickens. Chickens lay eggs. Eggs hatch chickens. Which came first? The chicken or the egg? Or the dinosaur? We will never know. But what we do know is that KFC has by far the best zinger burgers. Mmmmmm... Maybe the description I gave isn't the most appealing, but KFC definitely does taste delicious despite my extremely sarcastic description. Just don't confuse it with JFC. JFC is a grocery store. I don't want grocery store chicken tysm
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Number Five: Burger King. Scam version of XOV's Burgers. Decent burgers, but no real "king" of burgers. Even your average pub has better burgers. Fake name, fake description. Even McDonald's doesn't have "burger" in its name. Lies, I'm telling you, lies. Get it if you want, but don't expect anything good. Don't say I didn't warn you. Fake burgers, you should buy burgers from ME instead.
Number Six: Pizza Hut. Okay. What. I thought Domino's was a bigger franchise than Pizza Hut. Apparently not. Stupid xov. ANYWAY. These pizzas are pretty good. I mean, it is in the name. My only issue here is the pizza size. I think my tooth fairy decided that I took too much money from her so she wants a come back and decided to make my pizzas small. Like... why. Why did they do this to me. Thank you Pizza Hut. I hope you lose some customers such as Nikocado Avocado and CaseOh. Maybe even me. Goodbye, o7 I hate you
Number Seven: Domino's. wtf. Bro no. No no no no no. MORE SMALL PIZZAS? Even my- my... uh... hands! My hands are bigger than Domino's pizzas! ピザちぁん。。。がんばってください！(<--Pizza Enlargenment Ritual that'll hopefully make it bigger)
Number Eight: Dunkin'. Um... to be fair... I haven't drunk or eaten anything from Dunkin'. Maybe someone could review it for me? Sorry... anyway extremely convenient pinglist goes here cuz why not
@Fuwry
@Cubsfanman
@ToadBest
@TrainerKN (rip)
@-cat- (do cats eat donuts idk we'll find out)
Number Nine: Krispy Kreme. Delicious. I don't know about Dunkin' Donuts, but Krispy Kreme donuts are amazing. If you disregard the "Krispy" part. Soft, squishy, chewy, creamy, sweet donuts. Lots of variety, so many donuts. I love donuts. Oh how I would date a donut... Wait no then I'd be cheating on my Maccas Burgers ("McDonald's" for you 'mericans *cough* *cough*).
Number Ten: Brazilian Miku. With thousands of images in circulation and continuously being produced since June 25, this is by far the best food chain ever. Not the biggest, but the best. No... I'm not eating Miku? Stupid person- you don't understand. Miku is the food chain, and I'm here to drink Guarana... and eat um... Brigadeiros. Brazilian food... you know? You... evil minded forumers thinking I would... EAT Miku. No... that would be cannibalism just like if I ate a Hamburger. I... would- I would never.
Conclusion
Yeah so that's it I reviewed the top 10 food chains in the United States of Argentina thank you for reading guys. Make sure to like and subcribe and click the notification bell and share this with your irl friends and people who love Brazilian Miku.
I tried making brazilian miku art but i trashed it maybe I'll try again but it looks ass I'm so sorry guys.
I wish brazilian miku was my mommy 
wait no i meant my girlfriend
wait no not my girlfriend wtf
wtf im not that lost im not that lonely really you can trust me on this one
(Well then... i guess i must change my japanese miku pfp (yes japanese miku) to brazilian miku now)
